Some find it pleasant dining on pheasant. Those things roll off my knife . . .
“Give Me the Simple Life” has become Annabelle’s latest song. Thatch and I believe she’s trying to convince us that she’s not the diva we make her out to be. As soon as she begins singing it, Thatch rolls his eyes and retreats to the cat tree.
I’m sounding pretty good on this song, don’t you think? she asks us several times a day. It’s so me!
Then she logs on to Petco or Amazon to look for new kitty jewelry. After that she calls R.U. Fémos to discuss various options for getting herself seen by “her public.” At least twice a day she logs onto Facebook to see if anyone has mentioned her. For the past week I’ve been preparing for my tax date with my accountant so I haven’t been paying too much attention to her, and Thatch has been staying out of my way while I tally up my receipts. He prefers to watch the Kitty Channel or play with Annabelle. The other day when I passed him, he and Annabelle were sorting their selfies.
What? Annabelle shouted. What? Oh, no!
Annabelle’s wails stopped my receipt addition. Missy? I called. Something wrong?
I looked at the calculator for the total amount I had spent on movie and theatre tickets and reached for an envelope to put them in. A minute later Annabelle leaped onto my worktable, landing on a precarious pile of books and envelopes that immediately collapsed and slid over the table. The lamp was knocked over and my receipts went flying about me. Then she jumped onto my calculator and I watched the total amount vanish.
Annabelle! Dammit. I forgot the total!
I needed your attention.
If this lamp is broken, Missy . . . I was at a loss for words. I scrambled to restore order to my worktable. I put the lamp aside while I gathered up all the things that had slid into my taxes. Cripes, Annabelle; what a mess! I moaned.
Facebook has banned you? she angrily yelled at me. Again? You were banned just a month ago! You are killing my career!
What? They did? I asked her. And it was two months ago they banned me.
They did it again! How can I post? How can I see what my public is thinking about me?
Well, I said, let’s check it out. You better pray this lamp is working, Missy.
Facebook is more important to me than any lamp. she jumped off the table. Come with me, Mister.
I followed her to the computer and opened Facebook. Once again, I was banned because of Sarah Huckabee Sanders. My calling her “white trash” was offensive to Facebook’s Big Brother. I was notified that I was banned for thirty days and the notice finished up with a smug To help keep Facebook safe, we sometimes block certain content and actions. If you think we’ve made a mistake, please let us know. While we aren’t able to review individual reports, the feedback you provide will help us improve the ways we keep Facebook safe.
What are you going to do? Annabelle asked me.
I’m going to let them know I think they made a mistake.
You should, she said, I’m not taking this lying down.
I typed into the comments space: How does “white trash” violate your cockamamie community standards? I grew up in a white trash family. Instead of simply saying “you’re blocked for 30 days,” why don’t you lay out the words you’ve decided violate your delicate sensibilities?
The kicker was that, because I was blocked, Facebook would not let me comment.
Well, Annabelle said philosophically, there’s one good thing. Now you know what words got you blocked. The last time they pulled this, you weren’t sure if it was “white trash, “lying,” or “cow.”
I know. I’m just mad that I didn’t add “fat.”
©2019, Larry Moore
Annabelle & Thatch 